I normally don't write such poppy sounding songs-- I guess most of my songs sound pretty ‘acoustic,’ and ‘laid-back.’
But the sound of any song is SO influenced by it's drum track. Since I preferred 112 beats per minute for this song, and because I was rushed and didn't take the time to record my own drums, I was limited by the Royalty Free drum beats I could find.
I laid each of the three available drum beats down on top of each other, and loved the sound! The seemed to work well together, so I panned one to the left, one to the right, and one down the centre... it's a different sound for me, but pretty fun!
Please help me spread the word, and share with your acquaintances!
My dear friend from London just left and hour ago, and it was a crazy two days! It was wonderful to see him, fun to do some music with him, to connect, and such a blessing to encourage him in his ministry! Having three babies in the house at one time (along with our own brood!) was a little tiring. I hardly remember how it's done, day after day after day after day. No wonder people go grey as they age.
So now the house is quieter again, with Buttons laying beside me on the mattress here, and the click of the keyboard as I type this. I feel for my friend: ministry can be pretty lonely all on its own, though having a wife sure helps. But his role must be the epitome of loneliness. Immersed in a different culture, and all the while his own people are fighting him. Lord, please bless him, and help him as he seeks you and serves you.
I still feel stressed about not having much work to do, but I leave it in your hands as always Lord. Please help me to not take on the responsibility of providing for my own needs. Faith is trusting you in the hard times not just the easy times.
Today was a busy day, but here I am at 5 o'clock and I feel sad. I guess a combination of not a lot of work coming in, of being sore and tired, of hearing from one of my servicebuilder users that his church is merging with another one and so he needs to cancel his account, etc. I just keep hearing about planning center online. It's so annoying, I wish people were more imaginative!
Today I had a big cry. My talk to the CRA. It looks like I owe $7,500 in taxes from 2003. I just paid $13,500 back in May. It just feels so depressing.. I'm tired.
I don't know what to do with myself. I don't have any work.
Wow, Lord. You answer prayer. I'm speechless, and still a little taken aback. In fact, I'm not certain that I feel relief.
Money has been tight, and you know how that causes me stress, despite trying to just trust you for the details, and not to let it bother me. But yesterday was an interesting day--between bringing US dollars into Canada--initiating the transfer process and a really good exchange rate--and getting the message from Marc Germain's church that they've got the remainder of the funds for the web site, then having Trevor stop by with two cheques from St. Paul's church, for over 3000 dollars! I can trust you. I must trust you.
Yet, I have the tension, because when speaking earlier with St. Paul's, I always expressed a desire to donate the money back to them, and to use it only as a tax relief. I don't know whether that will happen or not. We need to pay for the wood pellets, get a new blower fan for the pellet stove, pay dad for the furnace fan switch, and pay taxes in the new year.
I choose to continue to trust, and to let tomorrow worry about tomorrow. It's in your hands, dearest Father.
Today is the 30th of November, so I can deposit the cheques for lessons today. I'm pretty nervous about future finances, Lord. We are so tight financially, and I have no jobs on the horizon. Please provide Lord! I need to feed my family. I know that all I have comes from you. I trust you to provide. As I write songs for you, and spend time with ServiceBuilder, or other potential income streams, I feel stressed that I'm wasting my time. Please provide Lord, and be faithful to me, dear Lord, maker of the universe. You are all I have. I need you, I need your provision, for I am not able to look after myself.
All morning, for the last 4 and a half hours, all I have done is record this Psalm that I spent four or five hours writing yesterday! And I spent other time building into relationships and being like Jesus here on this earth. I want to believe, but you know my heart, and how poor my faith is. I hang onto you like a thread... I need you Lord.
There has been a huge influx of NO WORK lately, lol. I pray Lord, that you will continue to provide as you have always provided. Keep me busy, whatever it is I am doing.
The pipe-making hobby has been quite fulfilling--I ask that you will keep putting food in our bellies, heat in our home, and help us all to have faith in you.
I just spent the morning chatting with Tyler and then helping Ryan with his leaves out on the street. It's so good to spend time with neighbours. I think life really should be more about that. I had a good chat with Joanne before that, talking about technology and the negative impact it has on us as humans. We retreat, we get lazy, we forget what makes us human: the telling of stories and being in each other's presence.
Patrick Bulch lent me a belt sander today--MAN does it help in making the pipes! I'm really excited to start using it, as it will speed up my pipe production big time.
Yesterday I recorded Psalm 93, and made the video--crashing waves on a weir or pier or something. I think it turned out really good.
Thanks God, for giving me the time to focus on the things that matter to me. I spend so little time actually working to make money. 80% of my time is doing music, making videos, building pipes, sitting with my wife, watching documentaries, talking with my children! Could my life be any more perfect?
I bought a new band-saw on the weekend--found one in Kingston on Kijiji, and it's better than the one I have. I haven't been able to keep blades on my band-saw, which has been so frustrating! I have two blades now which I'm not sure what to do with-- maybe I can return them? They are ripped out of the packaging, so I doubt it. They were about $15 each, I think. My pipes haven't been turning out very well lately, mainly because I'm having such a challenge with getting the stem drilled properly. I've got to get a better system for doing this, but I'm not sure what it is. Using a lathe works pretty well, but then I've got to go over to Tyler's, to borrow his, which is a tad awkward.
Today I'm trying to publish my Psalm Volume 1 to CD Baby-- I don't know whether I should just add all the songs I've done so far, and save myself some money on getting them on iTunes, or whether I should stay consistent with Jamendo's album, which has 20 songs. :-/ I'll give it some thought today.
In any case, I've spent the morning (it's 11:15 now) putting all that data in to CDBaby for the 20 songs, and am just now remixing five or six Psalms that are kind of poorly mixed, or have out-of-tune vocals. It's sure a lot of work, I guess-- I should really be trying to do things that make money, but if not now, when will I get the songs on CDBaby? Potentially I could make money on the Psalms.
I just got a text from someone I know. He said that his wife is separating from him. It's sad, you know-- I'm sure a lot of it has to do with their communication skills, but I think she might also be going through some sort of "new life" crises after getting her stomach stapled or whatever. Lord, please be with them and save their marriage. Help them to learn to communicate, and to love like you love us!! PLEASE, amen.
I'm still not super happy about the work that's coming in. I wish I could get more. The business account has enough in it for a while, but I just feel down when I don't have much to do. Perhaps I should be recording or walking, or enjoying nature when this happens. I guess I could work on making some pipes-- that is really enjoyable to me. I just need to buy a new bandsaw blade.
I might have a long nap today. I feel like napping, though that's a bit concerning if it's a sign of depression--though I don't feel especially depressed really.
I did a no-no today--something I told Joanne not to do. I went to the hardware and bought $50 worth of junk. Some drill bits, stain, etc. :-/ All for making a pipe.
It was wrong, but it was fun to make a pipe just now-- I used a forstner bit to make a good hole, and a long bit for a long stem. I think it will be great! :)
There is work to do today, so I should get on it.
I changed the look of ServiceBuilder when not logged in yesterday, making a nice slideshow to draw people in. We'll see if I get more subscriptions now!
Not much to say today. Yesterday I was so tired in the morning, I slept for an hour or two in the morning before doing much work.
Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I did feel a little discouraged yesterday about my music and what-not. I guess I was thinking about my large body of work, and how little my friends or family care about it. I doubt if any of them know the words to any of the songs I've written, other than maybe "In His Steps." It makes me sad, because I want to be celebrated by my family. I'll take any celebration by anyone at this point, which is pitiful. I want this to be about God, not about me.
And yet there are people, like Joan on Facebook, or Cheryl's mom Norma, who are encouraging people. I like them, and I'm going to try to lift them up more the way they lift me up.
Lord, help me to not be vain, but to server You only, my audience of one.
I'll try recording a bit today--I got a fair bit done yesterday on Francois' web site, and he paid me $500 for it, which was more than I asked... loving that generosity!
Seth is home sick again today-- not sure what's going on with my kids being home sick so much.
I need to take some time today to finish the tent, I want to tidy the basement a bit--maybe put all those train things away for good this time.
I'm just about done Francois' portable project, that'll be $400.
I've done an hour of work for National Small Engines... their site isn't great, but at least it's some work to do. I hope they hire me to redo everything on it.
After this, I'll do the portable site for Todd at Biomaterials...
It's really all that is on my mind lately. Somehow, I have to pay taxes this year too. :-/ Not sure where that's coming from.
Dear God, I was so discouraged yesterday about not having work to do. But sending out the newsletter to my clients was a great idea--I've had a number of people communicate back a desire to make their sites work on portable devices, so it looks like I'm going to have a few more jobs now. Thanks so much!
I do pray that you will help me to do these jobs well, and to draw more and more work in as a result!
Ugh, Joanne and I are fighting again today. The same fight we've been having for 15 years. She assumes I'm criticizing her or that I think she's stupid, and so reacts to that assumption with belittling and critical comments about me. I react to those comments with actual criticism of her nastiness, which makes her feel misunderstood and angry and creates a feedback loop. She starts to raise her voice, I react to the intensity--before you know it we're both volatile and upset.
God, help us.
Not much in the way of work again. I'm frustrated with the lack of income, Lord. My business account is down to $300, our main checking account is probably overdrawn or near zero, and we haven't even bought pellets yet for the heating season. Please help us.
The truth is, I'm lazy to get more work, and I'm even lazy to do the work I've got. I think I may be borderline depressed.
We had a nice Thanksgiving weekend! Friday night was rehearsal for Trina and Tyler's wedding, Saturday night we missed church to attend the wedding and danced our socks off. Unfortunately Rosie has a bladder and kidney infection, so we cut our celebration a tad short, but the hospital visit Sunday morning was quick and painless--other than the $120 prescription!! Ouch!
Then Sunday afternoon we enjoyed time at mom and dad's with all of the family. Sunday afternoon I shucked a thousand black walnuts, and we had Andre and Sandi Desjardins over for a nice evening. Trina and Tyler came too, and we chatted together for a long time.
This morning a man is vacuuming out our ducts-- something we cannot afford at all, so I'm a little stressed and worried about that expense. God please provide me with more students or web jobs! Please.
I think he's just finishing, I heard the vacuum system stop. I doubt there was a lot of mess for him to clean up anyway. :-/ I sure hope it makes a difference in all of our health this winter.
God, I wait on you. I am your faithful and patient servant.
It's been ages since I've written. Just haven't felt like it.
Joanne had terrible sciatica the last little while. She's feeling a bit better now--and strange enough, I had it for a bit too! Not sure what that's about, sympathetic pain? Weird.
My allergies have been terrible. I wish I knew what I was allergic too. Just the seasonal changes? Dust in my clothing? No idea.
We're playing and singing at Tyler and Trina's wedding this afternoon. Yesterday Joanne and I went to his mom's for a rehearsal supper, then to the United church in Harrowsmith for the rehearsal. After that I went to Tyler's place for drinks and chat. Slightly awkward at times, but I think that's okay.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving at my mom and dad's. Rosie seems to have some sort of bladder infection or something, I hope that we don't miss the differ because we're at the hospital!
Well, not much more to say. I need to be better at journalling.
It's Friday already. This week has been an unprofitable week, but I trust God to continue to provide.
It seems like this blog is mostly about complaining. I have to get better at being more thankful.
I recorded the Jesus Prayer yesterday-- it's very haunting and beautiful. I've decided to try to find war video footage to display while the song is playing to highlight our lost-ness... our brokenness, each of us. The problem is I know people have a hard time putting themselves into that position. We're all so immune from doing wrong, we think.
It was really difficult to watch the footage of the concentration camps. What an ugly thing death is-- piling up bodies on top of each other like lumber. It's terrifying.
Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner.
I spoke with the lady from the Rideau conservation authority today, about their new web app for making reports. I had a good feeling about it, but I'm not sure that I'm a shoe-in, but any means. I hope I am, but not likely.
I've been recording the Jesus Prayer today, sort of because there's nothing else to do. :-/ I think a big part of all this is just ambition or laziness.
It's getting a little stressful that money is not coming in. I know I have things to do, like the RebelNoise website changes, but I still feel so nervous, I guess because money is just not inflowing at the same pace that it's outflowing. I wish there was some way to control the bleeding, but there's not. And winter is coming, with no money to buy heating pellets, and Joanne suggesting we improve our health by cleaning the furnace vents ($300). I just don't know how it will happen.
God, you are my Lord, my provider. I have tried to always say and believe that our control is an illusion. All we have comes form you and your mercy and generosity. Please continue to be faithful to me, like you always have been. Provide for us, I pray. Help me to live truthfully, honestly, openly, generously, faithfully, thankfully...
We had a really nice weekend. Saturday was the Chili Fest at St. Paul's Anglican Church, and there was a really good turnout, despite the impending rain and drizzling. Pat's band played (they were quite loud!) in the church, and one of the worship bands played as well.
After the festival, we had service that night, and Giuseppe came over to our place afterwards.
Sunday morning I went to help Stephen tear down his old shed (with Dan and Malcolm too), and then John and Mary Harvey came visiting. Lucas and Sorieda came as well. We had a nice supper, then a fire in the back yard.
John was back to his old self-- the last time we visited felt awkward to me, but this time he was the way I remembered.
Work is still slow, not much to do, but there are a few little things in the background. Plus, lessons are back on, so I have some income.
It's a cold fall day today-- I'm sitting at the dining room table next to my big old grand piano! I'm bundled up, and I have cold toes. :-/ I miss summer already.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner.
I think I'll change this journal entry to be more a 'morning' journal than an 'evening' journal. It's way easier for me to want to spend time in the morning doing it.
I've been so sick the last two or three days. Today is the first day where I felt like getting out of bed. I slept a lot yesterday (Monday) and Sunday... Saturday was a struggle, but I pulled through the service, thanks to God's grace.
I've been singing a new melody lately, "Lord Jesus Christ, Lamb of God, have mercy on me, the sinner." That mantra has been going through my mind a lot and I try to wake with it on my lips first thing. I think this sort of approach to spirituality really focuses the mind, much more than trying to establish the discipline of Bible reading or prayer. It's easy to do, it's a re-programming of your brain, and it's not really self-indulgent, or something to feel 'proud' about... like Bible reading, with it's failure/success temptation.
My chest muscles are a bit achey today, maybe the carry-over of whatever it was that I was struggling with physically. I hope it completely goes away, because I hate being sick. Who likes it, though, right?
I met a lady dropping Seth off this morning, Lana (Layna), who is a new kindergarten teacher at Loughborough, and lives on Brewery street. She seemed really nice-- I pray, Lord, that should you desire it, you will draw her to you and use us for that should it be your will.
Anyway, that's the entry for today. Thanks be to God.
Last night I had a horrible dream. I was going to be put to death for murder--when I had actually just deleted a video of Joanne. It was so upsetting. I think there is some other sort of emotion I'm struggling with--maybe the memory of Joanne yelling at me yesterday. It's not a reflection of her love for me or anything like that. But it stung just the same. :-/
Today is humid! I think since there is not a lot of work to do, I'll go out and work on my picket fence some more.
I recorded Psalm 125 yesterday, and put it to a video. And Lucas came in the evening, recorded the drum part for me, and we had a nice fire outside. Sandi Desjardins came over too, and Amy, Joanne, Sandi, Sorieda, Lucas, and I all say around the fire and talked. Lucas smoked the pipe I gave him. It was a nice time.
I wrote and recorded the next Psalm yesterday--Psalm 45. This one was a little more challenging than usual, because it is actually a royal wedding song--but I did it anyway, and it is what it is.
It might have been one time that I was better off not singing the whole Psalm, but something about that approach doesn't seem "purist" to me. Anyway, it's done.
Today I drive to Ottawa to pick up Seth. He's coming back from Saskatchewan. I feel a little concerned for him, and his state of mind. He cried a lot the last time he left grandpa behind, and this time Lori broke up with Brad, and there's a huge mess with Deb and Gerald. He's been in the middle of it all, and he tends to pick up outlying stress like that.
God be with him.
Lucas came over for a fire the two nights ago; he was actually quite a bit more mature than usual. He did go through a little bit of complaining about us as parents. He feels like he didn't have any choices growing up, and that religion was too forced on him -- or something like that. I think what he may feel is the Holy Spirit chasing him down. But nevertheless, I felt optimistic about his visit. He's growing up.
We just got back from camping at Desert Lake campground a couple of hours ago. Joanne hardly slept a wink last night, and I was pretty tired too-- we napped when we got back.
Last night we sang around the campfire with Cheryl Gallant and her daughter Rochelle. Rochelle knew the lyrics to nearly every song we could think of from the eighties and nineties. It was pretty amazing.
We had brunch at Dan and Irene's earlier that day, and the night before we were at Trina and Tyler's stag and doe. It was more fun than I expected it to be, though it did get kind of weird at a couple of points, when one guy said he wanted to make out with Joanne (in front of his wife!), and then a young woman started coming on to Joanne. Father Giuseppe won a case of beer, and everyone got a kick out of that.
The service on Saturday night wasn't well attended again, but it was moving, just the same. I enjoyed leading worship with Joanne-- we sing so well together.
Yesterday was a weird day--between the hours of uploading data to the new RebelNoise server (which was really annoying and boring), and a general discomfort from the heat and humidity--having to go into National Small Engines instead of doing party night with the kids in the city--it wasn't the best day I've ever had.
But at least everything is working now at NSE, and it was money--and I'm thankful for money right now. Thanks God.
Tonight we are going to Elizabeth's baptism at Ann and Bob Fisher's, and tomorrow is church, and Tyler & Trina's stag and doe. Then Sunday to Dan and Irene's for dinner and then camping at Desert Lake Campground. A busy weekend!
Yesterday I worked on a video for Psalm 84--I'm not exactly elated with it, though it's going to have to do. I'm not sure what would make it perfect, maybe if my lips were syncing nicely, and if I had other instruments (cello? whistle) to go along with it.
I haven't been making money from the jobs I have on the table, I'm once again in that spot where I don't have motivation to work as I should.
Yesterday was a pretty boring day--I worked on the morning making the 'decline' feature work properly in ServiceBuilder. That's much better now, though I'm not sure the email decline feature works as well as the SMS decline now--I was too tired of working on it to continue messing around.
I also went to National Small Engines, and spent more time setting up their shared environment for Quickbooks.
It was nice to see Tom and Sandy Bigas yesterday. They dropped in for a few hours on their way from Ottawa back to Hamilton. We spent some time at the point, and showed them around Sydenham briefly.
A guy named Lee stayed the night in my back yard last night. He is hiking from Kingston to Ottawa, down the Rideau trail. He couldn't find a camp spot, so I said he could sleep here. He left 30 minutes ago.
That's about it for yesterday. I've been short on work, and the heat has been crazy hot. I can't wait for things to cool down a bit, for money to start flowing in again.
Today we had a birthday party for Grace down at the point. It was a beautiful day for it: hot, but with a nice breeze to keep us moderately cool. There were a lot of kids, and parents came too. We all chatted at a picnic table. Jesse, Karen Pothier, Chris and Tanya, Ryan and Kristen, Sandi Desjardins, Pat and Kat, and a guy named John, whom I'd never met before.
Dad came over in the evening, and we talked around the the kitchen island. I'm tired and feeling a little dried from the hot sun.
Yesterday I laid in bed all morning and finished my book, the buried giant. Then Grace and I tried to take her fan apart to clean it... No luck there.
Joanne was feeling sick at work, so the girls and I made her soup and took her some lunch.
After that Grace was set to cut the grass for me, but unfortunately while I was in the house, she tried to take off the gas lid on the mower, but grabbed the muffler instead! She burned her hand really badly!
The service last night was poorly attended again, and the music seemed flat. I'm not sure how much of that is just me not being attuned to the spirit or the congregation's mood.
After the service I went over to Trina and Tyler's birthday gathering at the firepit. I took my guitar along and we sang a bit.
When I got home from that Grace was still running her hand under water, and crying out in pain. Unfortunately, I spoke harshly to her and tried to help her find a way to manage the pain. We used some leaves of the aloe vera plant, and it seemed to really help.
Today is her birthday party at the point, and it looks like we're going to be able to go ahead with it.
Today not a lot of work to do. I addressed some auto login features with service builder and then we drove Seth to the airport to visit his grandparents (Joanne's parents). We went out afterwards for Ethiopian food (YUM!) and then to watch a Shakespeare play: Comedy of Errors in the park. Chilly, but fun!
We drove home and kinda got lost taking weird roads, my mom was baby-sitting for us.
As you may have noticed, I've been in the process of putting the Psalms to music for the last number of years... it's been such a cool experience to become intimately familiar with every word and phrase of these scriptures, to struggle with some of their meanings, to be moved by them, changed by them.
This Psalm, number 51, has become SO popular! When I wrote this, it's already at 66,180 views! Crazy! Most of my other Psalm have only a few hundred views.
I'd love it so much if you took a listen to some of my other Psalms, and maybe subscribe to my channel! I'd love to hear from you too, to pray for you even! Please connect with me.
Lord, today I called out to you to save me. It seems hopeless at times, all of the pressures on me. And I have no words, nothing to do but cry out.
And yet I got a glimpse already of your promises. You sent me the job for Lanark County, Lord, thanks so much. Sometimes I feel like such a little fish in a big pond. It feels impossible to survive.
Here's the pressure on me right now:
Transferring ProgressiveTraining - after the new server is set up
Doing the Lanark County Site
Doing Frederick's Bulletin board upgrades
CRA T4 Slips, and how to figure it out
Getting the new server live, and syncronized with current data
Adding PayPal to ValetServe
Paying Trousdale's for statement
Remove some default items from tables for ValetServe
Biomaterials Todd's requested changes
Clinton Dentistry site - deposit get started
Village of Bath, membership registration doesn't work yet
Consolidation Loan - requires Notice of Assessments - requires password - waiting on CRA to send it
Please help. We're overdrawn 500 on our account right now. I don't have any money, and can't imagine how I'll ever get out of this hole. Please, please, please, help!
Today was a tiring day, though I guess a good one. Giving lessons are tiring, talking to people is tiring. I talked to people about hosting the web site--it looks like I'll be moving the site to a new VPS server, which will be scary for me... I think it will be faster though... I sure hope so. One thing is certain, I am learning, and I don't think it can get worse than Bluehost.
It's a bit scary to have to spend all that money again. Ugh. I hope Bluehost gives back money in this. Man oh man.
I read a couple of sections of "My Utmost for His Highest" today, and was surprised at how apt and good it was. Being exhausted giving of oneself to others is the WHOLE point, and it's a good exhaustion.
Anyway, I'm too tired to write more. I give myself to thee O Lord.
We had a nice weekend-- it's been crazy amounts of snow falling for a week or two, and the piles are waist high!!
Gracie hurt her neck somehow last week, and missed some school because of the pain she was in. Seth has been sick in bed for a week with the flu or something--Joanne worked out at FITT and her body has been killing her... Rosie has been doing her regular temper tantrums, though there has been improvement on pulling it together.
Work has certainly picked up some, though at times I wonder about this 'partnership' with Frank. It seems like a lot of work that I could be paid for, and no income to show for it.
I've felt stressed over the last couple of weeks about life in general. On one hand, there's so much to be thankful for. On the other hand, there are so many unknowns hanging over my head that stress me out... things like the taxes, this T4 generation I'm supposed to do apparently... the low attendance at the Crossing lately, the list could go on as long as there was hours in this day... but I guess in the end, I'm looking for reasons to explain my stress... it's generally a lack of faith, I guess. I don't know that I want to have to constantly be living in faith. I want to live comfortable, where faith is not required.
Faith is tiring. Faith is constantly necessary, a pressing back against the pressures of life. Faith is not easy, it takes f***ing hard work. lol
So I'll keep plugging away, and I pray, Lord, that you will never disappoint me. I pray you'll just constantly be there, my friend and God.
The last number of days have been crazy. The trip to Mississauga / Oakville and back were long and tiring, including that crazy drive in a blizzard.
Now that I'm back, I've had a job interview at 14 Theories, met with the dentists up on the hill here in Sydenham about their web site, been working on ValetServe (as a partner now), and working for Francois' web site. I've had a new job from Andre Levebvre's friend Frederick just come in, I've had a web transfer from ProgressiveTraining.com, and maybe something else.
I am blessed. God has given me the most abundant life on this earth, full of friendship, rewarding experiences, and wealth.
Wednesday and Thursday, Joanne and I drove to Toronto to meet with Carmen and TD Canada Trust, and Doug at Triple Win. It was pretty hard, and stressful, and driving back we came through a frickin' snow storm!
Home safe now, but a little overwhelmed.
We're closing out our investments to pay off debt, unfortunately. We did make some money on the investments, but it's probably for the best that we're doing all of this.
So we have borrowed money to invest, and we have earned enough on the investment to pay off what we borrowed, which is fantastic, and we made over 7000 dollars since we last withdrew from the system. So we feel happy about that.
We're keeping our RRSPs, which is also good, so we're not completely without retirement savings, but it's not significant, really. I took careful notes, and I'm going to put it all in Mint so I remember it, and understand it. Triple Win could use a program like Mint to help their clients, that's certain.
We're going to apply for a consolidation loan through TD and Carmen, and include in that the taxes we owe for last year and this year. We won't have any tax savings any more (we were getting a little over 2000 in tax savings through this process. Also, the borrowed amount will include the lawsuit against us, and we'll be entered into a class-action lawsuit against the firm who got us into this mess.
Yes, it's been stressful, but I see some light at the end of the tunnel. We may never be wealthy financially, but God has given us great wealth in so many other ways.
I have a job interview on Monday as well, and who knows? Maybe that will be perfect for me. I hope so.
The last few days have felt kind of depressing. There's so many complex emotions and events going on--whether it be the Bible reading group that Joanne is going to and having trouble with, or Seth's issues at school and with bullying, or doing well in school. There's the meeting with Triple Win (now moved to Thursday), the ValetServe interactions with Frank, the lack of steady income, the job interviews I have to line up, etc. etc. I am really working to keep an attitude of praise and thanksgiving, but at times it feels like I can't get out from under the weight of heaviness. I want to live a life of trust in God, and to be convinced of his goodness for me.
So I am just taking a day at a time. Trying to keep my head in an up-pointed attitude. I need to remain positive and convinced that this is all God's plan for my grown as an individual.
