My Journal and Diary
2014
August
Monday, August 11th, 2014
Testing, Testing, Is This Thing On? Is Anybody There?
I decided to finally journal. I've been intentionally ignoring it for months now, because I've been in a depression. I almost said deep depression, but I don't know how deep it is really. But it's kind of bad. There are so many things that have me down, and I guess I apply my typical obsessive personality to it. The cholesterol spot on my eye, the tooth pain, the lack of income, the lack of rain--it's been two months without much rain! I'm losing my faith, I'm losing my hope, I'm tired and sore, and down. No one comes to the church anymore, I can't afford to do the things I've been waiting all winter to do, like get a trailer hitch, fix up the trailer, go camping, paint, fix, do. I don't understand why it's all at once.
It's times like this when all I have is the desire to call out to God and hope that he hears me somewhere. I have friends who are sort of there once in a while. Even the lack of faith of my own son Lucas, gets me down. I have so little reason to be happy, I just feel like crying.
Ultimately, this is mostly tied to money. Money would mean I could afford to get my tooth fixed, I could pay off my debt, I could get the hitch done, I could take the kids camping, I could...
Lord help me!